Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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