so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
