is your mom at the bar?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
