I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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