It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
