according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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