I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
