I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
