white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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