my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
nutella sex= disaster
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
