We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
