I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize