dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
