why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fuck appropriateness.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
