Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
