once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
