having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
