im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
