ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
