It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
