Jerry, you need to find god
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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