Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
