So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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