I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
honey bunches of taint.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This baby is an asshole
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
