It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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