whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
