you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
