I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
did i just pee glitter
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
