nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
