I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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