She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
