she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
