Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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