I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
