Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
