pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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