You made me cry and you don't even care
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
