Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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