In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
