Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
