You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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