Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
