worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i now understand why vodka
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize