My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she smelled like a LAN party
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
