I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
