Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
