sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize