We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
