My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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