how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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