I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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