Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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