i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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