U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
