I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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