finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
