I just cut my nipple shaving
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
