God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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