Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
