I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need water and some morals
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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