nut hugger
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
