how can u be prego again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize