I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He shit in the fireplace
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
