You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm too high and old for this...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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