she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
