I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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