so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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