Im at strip club and am horny
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
