i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
