he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
