so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize