Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
