She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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