Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
