Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
