i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
