Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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