Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
