You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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