I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
