I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We need to rekindle our bromance
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
