and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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