Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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