my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
