God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
