LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
