I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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