The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize