I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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