How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
