What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
