I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
