Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman

Fav 6 2581 1798
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.

Fav 28 1434 4191
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(818): View more from California

My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.

Fav 38 1845 3875
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.

Fav 13 5629 1172
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(845): View more from New York

I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

Fav 32 2457 6862
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.

Fav 33 1307 4595
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(859): View more from Kentucky

When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.

Fav 31 1061 7620
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(804): View more from Virginia

You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home

Fav 1 380 813
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that

Fav 0 14 20
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