You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
