as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
