he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
