Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
