I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
