Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
