I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize