Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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