C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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