We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
