I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
