Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
