I just pynch a tree in the face
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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