yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
