well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
