laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
