Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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