okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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