Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
